I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
