sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
