my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize