Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
