Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
