If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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