whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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