My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
