I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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