you would pick up someone in the library
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
