i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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