Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
