I've blown a few things in my day
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
