I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
