you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
