I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
