not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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