guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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