Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
