we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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