Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
