one might say we're banned from that church
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize