His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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