When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
