I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
