I think I am morally bankrupt
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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