Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
