then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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