Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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