I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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