If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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