btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
