Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
