You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
