Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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