Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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