Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
