We're facebook friends in real life
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
as a side note pls kill me
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