Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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