Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
