Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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