His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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