Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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