I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
