The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
