i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
