so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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