I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize