you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
