More tranny stories later!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
