I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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