that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
