Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize