you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
