You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
