he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
