I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
