I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
