WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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