Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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