Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
