one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
