Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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