He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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