i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
