I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
