Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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