I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
