i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
