There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
