from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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