My liver just broke up with me...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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