Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
