Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
