Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my being single is dangerous.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
