okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
