and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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