I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
