You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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