Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
