You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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