I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize
