the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Who died my cat blue again?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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