mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
