what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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