i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
