I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
