Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
