the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
