Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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