I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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