And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
