I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
