So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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