This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it because I queefed?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
