I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
