Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
