dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
