I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
