My brain says no but my pants say off.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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