I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Watching her eat just hurts me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
