and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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