you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
