Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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