I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
