my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
