Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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