I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
