im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
