that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize