Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
